Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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