I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
