Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
