shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
