I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
