I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize