Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
