so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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