Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
