what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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