Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
