omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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