last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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