Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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