ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
