Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
