Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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