He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
