I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
