i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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