He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
