Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
