He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
