Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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