Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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