instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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