I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
