tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
