Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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