for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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