Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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