I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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