I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
