life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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