I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You've changed since you got that strap on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
