my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize