Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
