hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
