i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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