Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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