I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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