He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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