You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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