If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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