Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux