we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.