The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
