I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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