I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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