Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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