i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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