This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
