My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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