im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
