her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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