I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
