you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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