Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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