So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize